The Lightning Thief Parody (AKA The Thunder Stealer)
by Raibla
Summary: What if Annabeth was dumb, Grover had a weird accent, Chiron was a biker, Posideon was a jerk, Ares was a wimp and... well, you'll have to read to find out!
1. Chapter 1

**The Lightning Thief Parody (AKA The Thunder Stealer)**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything, except for the plot twists. That stuff goes to Rickles Riordanny. I meant Troll, I MEAN RICK RIORDAN. Just start reading before I embarrass myself any further...**

**_Chapter One- I Vaporize A Demon-Teacher_**

Look, I've always wanted to be a half-blood. The rainbows, unicorns, ponies. It's a rush. Nah, just kidding. We're hunted by monsters, have temperamental parents, and there's never any good Wi-Fi during quests. Yup, that's the life. I guess you're pretty confused right now, so I'd better start from the beginning...

My name is Persassy Johnson, but for some wacky reason, people call me Percy Jackson. I'm fine with that, though. I'm 12 years old, and I go to Yancy Academy. Or at least I used to. I can start in any point of my short happy life to prove that I have good luck, but I guess I should start in May when we went to that super-cool field trip to the Metropolitan Museum of Art to look at ancient Greek and Roman stuff.

Mr. Brunner, our Latin and Math teacher, was leading this trip, so I was expecting an okay trip. Mr. Brunner was this handicapped guy **(AN: No offence to handicapped or disabled people**.) with long flowing hair and a studded biker jacket, and multiple ear piercings. He was the only teacher who didn't put me to sleep.

I was hoping I wouldn't get into trouble. But boy was I wrong.

So like the bus ride was okay with the nicest and most selfless girl in the school, Nancy Bobofit, talking to us, and with Mr. Brunner talking about some old things in the museum, and stuff. But when lunchtime came, I accidentally dropped my backpack in the water fountain, splashing everyone near me. Ms. Dodds, one of the meanest teachers ever, came up to me and said, "Now Sweetie..." and I knew I'd get a detention... mopping up floors... with a toothbrush... on a Saturday.

"Come with me!" she said with an evil cackle.

I followed her into the museum and we were back to the Greek and Roman section.

"You've been giving us problems, darling. Did you think you would get away with it?"

Did she find the soda I was selling out of my dorm room? That I copied my autobiography poem off the internet?

Then the COOLEST THING EVER happened. She turned into this ugly monster thingamajiggy. Then Mr. Brunner came and gave me a pencil and it turned into a sword! I slashed the sword and she dissolved into glitter! But then, nobody was there. Mr. Brunner was gone.

I found him outside, and so was Grover. Wait... I hadn't introduced Grover yet? Aww come on, he's like my BFFL. He's totally a bad boy, and he's some sort of Australian/ British/ French/ German/ Jamaican/ Indian guy. His accent is awesome, though. Sort of hard to understand... but oh well. You can't have everything.

"Hov eet gosh? _How did it go?_" he asked. **(AN: I'll put the translation next to the words he says in **_italics_**)**

"It was fine, I guess." I knew I wasn't insane yet, so my best friend doesn't need to think that yet, either.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Chapter Two- Three Young Ladies Jam to the Funeral March_**

FINALLY it was time to go home. I packed my bag and hopped onto the bus with Grover. "Hai Mun! _Hey Man!_" he said.

"Hey." We were quiet for the rest of the ride, except when Grover gave me his business card, and my heart dropped because I never thought he was rich.

Then the bus broke down. I looked across the street and saw three young and _hot_ women across the street. I mean, sure, they looked 20, but still. They had a boom box and were dancing, but when I focused, I heard the Funeral March, I mean the whole _dun dun dundun _shebang.

Then, they looked directly at me, and they beckoned me to go dance with them. Me, Persassy Johnson, with the black, pollution colored hair and the toxic waste colored green eyes. Well, it's not every day you get an offer like that, so I marched right up, ignoring Grover's yells for me to come back (his vocabulary was quite impressive, though) and I danced. Like, not just random dancing, mind you. I did the robot, disco, worm, dougie, even The Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style.

Then the bus fixed. I got on board and when we were off the bus, I ditched him and got a cab. He was still fuming about that whole dancing thing. In my defense, try ignoring three women asking you to dance with them, did I mention already that they were HOT? So anyways, I told the driver the address and to step on it, because I was pretty sure Grover would notice I was gone and that I hadn't been listening to his speech about trees after a bit.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Chapter 3- Fabe-ulicious_**

**_Note: This chapter won't be much of a parody because these personalities are vital to the story- AKA chapter no funny. Sorry I haven't updated in a while, dam homework and that schist. But sowwy anyways L Forgive me? J I knew you would. By the way, I will have minor cursing in my stories, so just warning you. I promise I'll post bigger chapters from now on. I know Percy seems REALLY OOC but it's because it's a parody, so as Percy wisely says in the following chapter, "H8rz gunna H8. Swagswagswag. Word."_**

"Uhh like so I think there's someone you forgot to like introduce and stuff. Like it was your mom or something I think..." said a blond, tanned girl with dull grey eyes that looked like they could bore you to death.

"Why am I forgetting to introduce everyone? Ughh. Wait, Annabelle! You're not supposed to be here yet! Shoo! Away! Bye! Forget you ever saw her.

**TAKE TWO**

A few long, emotional paragraphs that will make the ladies cry and the chicks love me about my mother:

She's like totally awesome sauce overload. Her parents died in a plane crash, her uncle had cancer so she dropped out of high school to take care of him, and he died with no money, family, or diploma. Then she met my dad, who was probably (excuse my French) hella dope to have such an awesome kid like me. You might be thinking, "What happened to insecure Percy back there in the last chapter?" Well I had some sort of emotional breakthrough and learned the meaning of life and stuff, and it went a bit like this: "H8rz gunna H8. Swagswagswag. Word." I'm a man of wise words.

Anyways, after having moi after my "hella dope" dad and my mom... well, let's just say... this is aca-awkward, but I betcha smart kids like you know what happened.

My mom got her high school diploma and married Fabe (short for Fabulicious) Beautiaglo. He was born and named as #2FAB 4U, so no wonder he's so sour. See, he was a jerk at first, but after some sort of heart-to-heart talk, he became the best step-dad eva. But the second my mom said yes to his proposal, he became the world's largest Jeb. (Maximum Ride reference, I usually call evil, greedy, stuck up people Jebs.) Girla, you better believe it. Mmmhhhmmm. Gave my momma a clothes budget and everythin. And dayum, he stank. Like moldy mac-n-cheese boiled in dirty undergarments and beer with cigar ashes infused into it, condensed, and then smothered inside and outside of him.

Fabe went through the usual routine when I came inside he usually does when I come home. He had a whole choir and hot babes in nothing but- just kidding. He didn't have a choir and he couldn't get babes for the life of him. We fought, he threatened me, made me hand over my extra money, and we exchanged a few more insults. I went to my "room", where was more likely a closet where he stores all of his Playboy Magazines. I threw them all out the window trying my best not to stare (hey, I'm a teenage boy) and then plopped onto the springy bed.

Home Sweet Home.


	4. IF U NO READ HADES HUNT U DOWN READ ME

IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE

I've decided that I can't continue writing FanFiction for a while because:

1) I feel like I don't write as well as I wanted to- I've lost my wit.

2) I never have time to update, and I feel bad for leading you guys on About when the next chapter will come out.

3) I have MAJOR writer's block.

I may write a short one shot or a collection of one-shots, but never a full chapter story.

I hope you guys understand. It was great to have every single review for my story(ies) positive and constructive.

~The Definition of Awesomeness

(AKA Raibla)


	5. POLL

Alright guys, sorry I haven't posted in a while. I'm not really feeling it anymore. I have ideas for four new stories, and I want you guys to vote on which one you want me to write first.

Your resopnse is preferred by me to look like this:

Name:

Option 1 or 2?

If Option 2: a, b, or c?

1) The cast of the movies meet the book characters. They can play truth or dare, just talk to each other, or the book characters can actually have different celebs try out for the CHB production of the PJO movies.

2a) One of the three cliche plots with a twist. Annabeth and Percy are besties since birth, until Annabeth runs away at seven. Well, what if she returns in her Freshman year of high school- along with Percy's until-then missing cousin Thalia, and her new crush Luke, with whom she was on the run with (Thalia and Luke). Jeez, it's gonna be a heck of a school year!

OR

2b) Annabeth and Percy have just defeated Gaea, and decide to go to Goode just for the fun of it, along with the Seven, Thalia, Nico, and Reyna. And trust me, high school and demigods do NOT mix. THALICO, JEYNA, PERCABETH, MINOR FRAZEL, CALEO, PIPERxOC.

OR

2c) The classic "Annabeth cheats on Percy" thingamajig- but with a twist (Read more to find out). Percy's half-blood sibling Marco comes to camp, and suddenly- well, I can't tell you everything right now. Just read to find out. THIS IS NOT A PERTEMIS FIC. I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A PERTEMIS FIC. THIS IS A PERCABETH FIC.

PS: my guy oc will always be named Marco just saying thanks. SO CHOOSE PLEASE.


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